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No matter if it’s a whole flower bouquet from Mr. Grey or just a single red rose from the Bachelor, the concept pretty much is the same: Man selects woman of choice - woman follows along. Alright, I admit, that this might not be the perfect timing for my commenting on the second part of Fifty Shades of Grey, I am kind of late to be honest, but that is not the point of this essay. 

The point is, that this idea seemingly does not get old. I mean don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the Fifty Shades of Grey and all but at some point I quite suddenly realized how offensive this whole story actually is to us (young) women. And more importantly how much BULLSH** it is. Just think about it: Ana’s dating a freaking sociopath who basically stalks her and wants to control her whole life. And still she is patient, she tries to understand, she waits until he finally opens up. But why and for what? Of course we were all super excited about Christian’s comeback thinking ‚aww how cute is he???‘ but wouldn’t it help our self-esteem much more if we saw Ana actually moving on from this unhealthy relationship? Wouldn’t it be better for all of us to for once see a young woman actually being strong enough to see her own value and get the hell away from that controlling nightmare of a boyfriend? And to all guys out there reading this, don’t you agree with me when I point out that Christian’s inner change and opening up is something that hardly ever happens with a guy as caught up in his own, very special, habits as him? I mean yeah cute story and all but let’s just all take a moment to think about how hard it is to change ourselves as… well, rather "normal" human beings and then just imagine how hard it must be for someone who’s first of all a huge BDSM enthusiast and secondly has never had an actual relationship or connection with anyone - not just to a woman but literally to anyone (ever notice that Christian doesn’t have any friends AT ALL). You guessed it, something like that’s nearly impossible and highly unlikely to happen to some girl next door.

"With love and patience nothing is impossible." 

is what Japanese author Daisaku Ikeda once said but regarding this example I strongly disagree. I think when love is involved a lot of things can happen you wouldn’t think were possible and relationships definitely aren’t always easy but the example that’s being set here isn’t that love is so great. What we learn from this basically is that us girls, we shouldn’t stop believing in "our man" no matter how crooked he is. And that’s not the message the film industry should want to send out to young girls. Sticking with someone abusive and trying to live with it isn’t what love’s supposed to look like. And regarding the fact that Ana not only is a smart and beautiful young lady but also very loving and understanding, don’t you all agree that some flowers and Christian’s agreement on actual dates (on bending and breaking to be noted) isn't more than just a pity attempt to even come close to her actual value as a woman, as a person?

one of the reactions to the US Bachlors - sorry for your loss girl

Same scenario with the bachelor (at least now there’s a bachelorette version, but still WRONG). A pool of woman and one man who can do anything and still gets to pick the woman of his choice at the end. How gross and disrespectful. We watch him make out with basically all the girls on the show (the US bachelor being the worst of all btw) and then watch one after the other burst into tears because they believed there was an actual spark, "something special", between them, but it *surprise surprise* ended up being a one sided love. Now I know that’s how TV works, all just there for our entertainment, mostly staged and made for those who want to delight in other people’s misery. But still it wouldn’t hurt anyone to rekindle some of this Bridget Jones and Amy Schumer fire every once in a while. All I’m saying is: Dear girls, don’t get blinded by seemingly miraculous love stories and keep it real. Reevaluate your own standards and value if you ever do find yourselves in unhealthy relationships and never let anybody dim your sparkle. If he’s an ass, then maybe he’s just not worth your attention. And dear film industry, please start setting more positive and realistic examples for all those young girls out there still thinking they'll one day find Mr. Right hiding in the back of their room with a set of handcuffs and a pack of ice cubes. Let's just all approach this love story thing in a more healthy and respectful way.

4 Kommentare

  1. Wahre Worte!!
    Du hast mit deiner Feststellung absolut Recht, liebe Selin!
    Wir sollten uns von dem von Medien suggerierten Beziehungsbild lösen (auch wenn das mittlerweile echt schwierig geworden ist), denn das ist einfach nur unrealistischer Quatsch.
    Sei es der Bachelor oder die Bachelorette - dieses "buhlen" um eine Person ist meiner Meinung nach lachhaft und kann doch nicht auf die größe Liebe hinaus laufen?
    Über Shades of Grey müssen wir an dieser Stelle gar nicht diskutieren: So nett die Story, das Buch und der Film auch sein mögen. Auf einen Psychopathen wie diesen Mr. Grey würde sich keine normal denkende Frau im Wahren Leben einlassen! :D

    Allerliebste Grüße,

    1. Da gebe ich dir vollkommen recht, wirklich lächerlich! Schön, dass ich nicht die einzige bin, die das so sieht 😜 Danke für deinen Kommentar! xx

  2. Nice blog. I would like to share it with my friends. I hope you will continue your works like this. Keep up the excellent work. You have a magical talent of holding readers mind. It is something special which cant be given to everyone. Keep it safe :)

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  3. Ein sehr schöner Beitrag. Ich mag deinen klaren und reifen Blick auf die Dinge sehr. Zum Thema Romantisierung vom BDSM Fetisch halte ich eh nix und finde ich sogar für sehr gefährlich. Da es vor allem so hingestellt, dass alle Frauen auf Gewaltspielchen beim Sex stehen würden. Es führt dazu, dass Missbrauch und Gewalt gegen Frauen in der wirklichen Welt Tür und Tor geöffnet wird. So auf die Art "Du wohlste das ja so…“ Zum Thema „Fleischbeschau“ beim Bachelor oder Bachelorette. Es verklärt nur wieder das Bild von der Suche nach dem oder der Richtigen. Es werden wieder nur schöne und „perfekte“ Menschen gecastet und damit die Ansprüche in den Köpfen der Menschen geprägt. Die Äußerlichkeiten stehen hier im Vordergrund. Es ist nix anders als Fleischbeschau auf dem Viehmarkt. Wie viele kenn ich die ewig keine feste Beziehung gefunden haben weil sie solche hohen Ansprüchen nachgejagt sind. Ich muss da immer an meine Oma denken, die hat mir immer gesagt „Aus einer schönen Schüssel wird man nicht satt.“

    Liebe Grüße


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